So Angry

A very dear woman, who is like a sister to my mom and was our neighbor while I was growing up, is in the 3rd stage of oral cancer. I just found out this morning, and stood stricken before my screen, trying to figure out how to process this information.

Its so unfair. She is in deep pain, having undergone surgery and weeks of chemotherapy. But she isn't the only one.

My maternal grandma is suffering from the affects of chemotherapy treatments taken 30 years ago- her digestive system has been replaced by plastic tubes.

My paternal uncle is suffering from severe rheumatoid arthritis- to the point where he cannot walk anymore.

All of this has occurred in the past year.
These people, good, kind souls, have always tried to help people around them. Today, when I call them, they seem full of determination to battle on, despite being in devastating pain. And I am powerless to help.

At the same time, I know tons of people who are horrible and are flourishing like the proverbial green tree. It makes me so angry- I do believe in God- but I sometimes wonder if he just goes on vacation. And sometimes I wonder if I am just delusional and stop believing.

My paternal grandma, who was not an angel, but a pretty decent human being, died after years of illness. Two aunts died in similar circumstances.

Now, I am foreseeing these three people leaving us in the next year- if they are lucky. If they aren't, their illnesses are the type which can potentially make them linger on in devastating suffering.

Almost makes me want to turn atheist. Almost. Sure, it wont matter whether I believe or not. But it just isn't right that good people seem to suffer the most. Its just so unfair.